Riff Raff: A Handyman
by writingonthewalls18
Summary: "'I must inform you that there will be some slight changes around here. You and your sister, Magenta, will pose as my servants.'" Riff Raff learns of his new role. Needless to say, he's discouraged by these new "changes". Rated T for mild language and content. Special thanks to user Shilo in Wonderland for being my unofficial beta reader.


Riff Raff straightened up, wiping his hands on a rag. He had just put the finishing touches in Frank's lab; a spare room in the Castle. Though he wasn't sure why, Riff Raff had agreed to help construct the lab. It was pink and filled with fine statues. There was an observation balcony to the right of the elevator, machinery and a stage to the left. The stage held a bedroom-style space that held a fine bed and a stained-glass window. Riff Raff had painstakingly installed it a week after arriving in Denton, Ohio.

With a grim sort of smile, he tossed the rag onto his shoulder and started for the elevator. Before he reached it, the lift sounded. Rising from the floor was Frank, decked out in a long-sleeve lace shirt, fishnets withgarter belt, and his favorite pair of heels. His face was bare of makeup and he clutched a string of pearls in his hand. He pulled the gate open and stepped off, fastening the pearls around his neck. Frank's eyes took in the room around him. He smiled faintly, looking at Riff Raff.

"Well done, Riff Raff. Everything is in near readiness?"

"Yes, Doctor," Riff Raff replied with a slight inclination of his head.

"About that... I must inform you that there will be some slight changes around here. You and your sister, Magenta, will pose as my servants."

Riff Raff raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"This is merely to cover ourselves in the event a human is to come to the ship- er- Castle. Though we are in a remote area, we can never be too sure." He nodded at the end of his sentence and turned back to the lift. He stepped in and went to shut the gate. "By the way, you will find a new uniform in your chambers. It will also be prudent for you both to address me as 'Master'. In the interest of appearances. Now... I have obtained an Earth vehicle, a pickup truck. I would like you to ready it for me; I must go into their... town."

Frank shut the gate, then descended back to the main floor. Riff Raff stared after him, his pale lips curling into a frown. "'Master', indeed," he muttered, throwing the rag to the floor. He stormed to the elevator, jabbing the button to summon the lift. It clattered to the floor. Riff Raff slammed the gate open and stepped inside. He drew the gate shut, slamming the button again. The elevator stopped at the second floor and the former general stepped off. He headed to his chambers to discover this new 'uniform' he was now required to wear. He did not see Magenta along the way; she was most likely completing some other task set by the doctor. He bust into his room, spying a garment bag (lying instead of ling) on the bed. He roughly unzipped it, revealing an ancient tuxedo suit complete with spats and gloves.  
"What the _hell_ is this?" he muttered, turning the clothing over in his hands. He sat heavily on a chair near the bed, dropping the clothing back onto the bed and resting his head on his hands.

This was unacceptable. He had not given up his position as one of Transsexual's finest generals to become a butler. He stared down at the white pants he wore, having not changed from his morning wardrobe. For a while, Riff Raff did nothing but stare down at his pants, contemplating. He was already deeming the mission (though he still didn't know their purpose on this planet Earth) a failure. However, he decided, he would give the doctor the benefit of the doubt and maybe prove that the mission was in fact worthwhile. He stood, then, and shed the white shirt and slacks, pulling the pieces of the tuxedo on. He finished, pulling the gloves over his hands. Suddenly, he heard shouting. Magenta's voice was unmistakable, her Transylvanian accent cutting though the otherwise silent castle.

"You expect me to... to _vhere this_? To work under you?I am not to clean the Castle!I am to help vith this... mission you dragged my brother and I on! I vill _NOT_ be your servant!"

' _It seems she had discovered her own uniform'_. With a grim look into the mirror, Riff Raff left to find, and hopefully console, his sister. He strode from the room and down the hall towards his 'Master''s room. He planned to gently withdraw his sister and let Frank know, once and for all, how dissatisfied he already was. Riff Raff was just crossing the landing when his sister, all in a fury, collided with him. Down, the redheaded alien went, landing hard on her ass. He automatically extended a hand, ready to help her up. A slight smirk crossed his face when he noticed the awe his most beautiful sister held him in.

"I see you have received your uniform, too, dear sister," he said, his eyes drifting down to the bundle in his sister's hand. "What are you to be?"  
Magenta started before looking at her own hands.

"A maid." She said the word as if it left a bad taste in her mouth. "I have never been more insulted. I am to cook and clean and bow and scrape. At home, I vas a-"

"Yes, my dear sister, I know. But unfortunately we are at his mercy. I do not know if you have been to see him, but we are to also address him as 'Master'. And do his bidding. _All_ of it." He finished in assisting Magenta in standing. Her eyebrows drew together as she assessed his meaning. He smiled again, reaching to gently stroke her cheek.

"Do not worry, my dear sister. I have a plan. While you wait for me to tell you, play along. Change into that uniform." He gestured toward the clothes. "We will do what he expects. For now, we are simply his servants. Now, I must go and ready this... pickup truck 'Master' has recently acquired."

He gathered her gently into his arms and kissed her fully on the crimson lips before descending the grand stair case. Riff Raff cut through the kitchen and out the back door where a battered blue pickup truck sat. He scowled at it, unimpressed with its condition. He did briefly wonder where Frank had obtained the currency to purchase it since they only had their own currency from Transsexual. He started to formulate his plan as he opened the truck door.

Riff Raff began to clean the vehicle out. Though this was beneath him, it had to do... For now.


End file.
